Have you ever been told by someone that you crushed on or liked that "I am not looking to date anyone" or "I'm not ready to date", or something similar. I recently watched an episode of MTV's True Life called "I can't get over my first love". One of the people featured was a young man who told this girl that he had feelings for her. However, she gave him the line of saying, "that she wasn't looking to date at the time." But lo and behold, she ends up dating his best friend after a short while! All of the sudden, she was ready to date someone, huh? She decided pretty dang quick, didn't she? Freaking liar! She might as well as told this guy that she did not feel the same way. It may have sounded slightly cruel, but at least it would have been honest!
I was told something similar to that in my first couple of years in college. I developed a crush on this guy and he kept telling me that he wasn't "ready to be in a relationship". So I guess anyone would take that as a hint, but I really thought there was a chance at some point, since he was not "ready". Maybe I should have known better, but it was just hard to get over that. In my junior year in college, he decides to join the marching band and meets this freshman. Well you can guess what happened. (Since I have been with someone who is much better for me, so it turned out, but it sucks being lied to.)
The point I am trying to make here is that there is no ready or not ready for a relationship. If you really want to be with someone or have interest in someone, you are going to go for it regardless if you're ready or not. Saying that you are "not looking for a relationship" is like saying "I am not interested", which would be more honest. If the mystery guy from college just told me that, I would have gotten on with my life a heck a lot quicker. If want to be with someone, you will find a way to make it happen (or at least try). So if you need to turn someone down, then be honest. Just don't say, "you are not looking to date anyone". That leaves doors open. If you need to close that door, then do so, so that person can move along and find someone who suits them better.
Sounds extremely valuable. I suppose "not looking for a relationship" can also mean that they just wanna fool around. I feel that people need to just be clear and upfront about it. If you don't want "labels" or anything, at least know where it is heading. Are you having fun, is it turning into something serious, etc.
ReplyDelete